Ladybug Speaks the Truth

  Flying Monkey might not be a term that you are familiar with, or at least you weren't before you met Asshole. He loves using this term, because he in fact uses Flying Monkey's to try to manipulate people. He may have even turned you into a Flying Monkey without you even knowing it. I think that everyone has seen The Wizard of Oz. The wicked witch has her flying monkeys that she sends to do her bidding. Whatever she wants done, she sends them, so that she doesn't have to lift a finger. That's what narcissists do. They send Flying Monkeys to send messages, or do things for them to their victims. What are flying monkeys?   The term ‘flying monkeys’ is another way of saying ‘abuse by proxy’ or having someone else do the bidding of in this case a narcissist. If you click the link above, it is a great article that explains how narcissists groom you and your friends to be their flying monkeys. An example of how Asshole tried to manipulate someone to be a flying monkey was an...

Asshole claims to have learned a new term, douche canoe... It applies according to him to the narcissists and their flying monkeys, which of course is RJJANE.  Let's take Asshole's advice and look up the definition of Douche Canoe according to Urban Dictionary. Ah yes, there it is. Douche Canoe:    A Douche   Canoe   is an elongated version of a douchebag. Someone so full of themselves and narcissistic tendencies that are eerily   misplaced   considering they are jobless, live off women, cheat and are generally not able to be classified as anything but a douche   canoe . Well, I wonder if we know anyone who meets that definition? I am honestly shocked that his picture is not right beside the definition.

  There are so many lies woven into Asshole's story that to this day, I still don't know what is fact or fiction. At first, they went almost unnoticed. A shimmer of doubt here or there that I wasn't able to confirm or deny. I am one of those people that believes that the past belongs in the past, so I didn't care much about what happened before. Just that going forward that things were honest and open. Asshole liked telling me about his job, and how important he was at work, and how much money he made, all trying to impress me. He had no understanding that money doesn't impress me. I grew up without money, and I have seen people lose everything in the blink of an eye, so there are more important things in my life. Early on in our relationship, sometime in April, as it was still tax season (and I do income taxes for a living) Asshole had been complaining about being on the phone that day with CRA. I was curious what he could be having issues with. As someone who deal...

 I was searching for an email awhile ago, and in doing so, it dug up a bunch of emails that were sent to the officers who were investigating Asshole for the first round of charges that he plead guilty to.  They are a great insight into the kind of things that he used to post... Oh wait, he still does, he just changed who they are for. I bet if we looked, he even used this exact same meme recently for the current woman that he is mourning. It's also interesting to see the different selfies that he had posted of himself. I used to have a book called The Many Faces of Ernie... We could call this The Many Faces of Asshole. It also makes me laugh seeing how many "friends" he has on Facebook. He keeps that information private now. I wonder if it's because he has lost his friends as they see his constant complaining on there. I will be sharing more from the archives of what I sent the police back in 2019. There are lots from his blog that he has since deleted so that it can...

  While I was still sucked up in the love bubble of a fast-talking master manipulator, I agreed to marry him. Clearly, I completely lost my mind by that point and the entire world was sending a search party for my common sense. There was no ring, no token of affection, just promises of a future, that I was beginning to doubt could possibly exist.  During that short time of apparent happiness, we went shopping as a jumping off point for wedding planning. As far as wedding planning went, his priorities were completely bonkers. First, we needed to send out save the date cards (without having any venue booked, or me being divorced.) Then secondly, we needed to figure out what the groom was going to wear. You read that correctly dear reader, the groom needed to have his outfit long before there was a venue, confirmed date, anything else. Priority number two. So off to Stratford we go to visit the shops for the millionth time. It seemed that the groom to be could do nothing other ...

  Asshole spent a considerable amount of time trying to Hoover me back in after the final discard. Things ended July 3, 2019. As of Summer 2021 he was still posting about me on his blog as the DLLOML. Of course, Summer 2021 he would be dating someone else too, so how serious was he about what he was writing about me. The lengths that Asshole went to Hoover me back in are well documented in this blog. Heck, the first what, hundred posts, are taken from the letters that he sent me trying to prove that he was a changed man. Asshole doesn't actually want to be in a relationship with anyone. He just wants someone (preferably with children) to manipulate and control. I don't even think that Asshole is really capable of love. He is just capable of saying the same script over and over again. It's a movie that he has written and just keeps recasting the leading lady.  Right now, Asshole is in the Hoovering stage with someone else. His Facebook posts are full of promises that will ne...

Ah, the discard phase. How many times did Asshole discard me, and then convince me to take him back? I can remember there being phone conversations where he would be so mad, and I would ask if he was breaking up with me, and he always said no, that is done in person, even if we have to meet at a McDonald's. For some reason he liked the idea of publicly breaking up with me at one. I don't know what happened to him in a past life at McDonald's but he sure hated the place. Ironically, Asshole usually discarded me over text message. Rarely in a phone conversation. He did it once over the Match.com email. Again when I tried setting up an appointment at his bank for the mortgage we were going to get. Another time over something with my kids. Each time I went camping during the time I knew him. I could go on and on. I remember once, being so completely stunned. It was surreal, it must have been the first time it happened. I didn't know if I was coming or going. I texted a frie...

When looking for an image for devalue the one above made me laugh. This is precisely what Asshole did. He spent my money, and whenever I started to grow and flourish, he cut me off at the base. Trying to come up with specific examples of Asshole devaluing me is a little harder. They aren't as obvious. He just slowly chips away at your ego and self esteem in a way you hardly realize.  One specific weekend, I had been away at camp. I had left my house on the Friday afternoon in a bit of a whirlwind. As a last minute packer, things were kinda everywhere. That was Sunday Me's problem to deal with, not Friday Me. When I came home Sunday, there was an insane amount of drama surrounding Asshole. I had basically neglected him all weekend, and how can we build a relationship, if I am not available to his every beck and call. Really, the root of the problem is that I was off having fun with my friends, and being that it was a female only organization, there was no way for him to wiggle h...

Things began slowly with Asshole. We talked for a couple of weeks before meeting. He often seemed disinterested, and I really didn't think we would ever actually meet. Once we did though, we hit it off right away, despite the obvious red flag about his teeth. (I have written about that  here.  ) Once we met in person, things progressed very quickly. I have written about how he manipulated my boundaries already. He loved to send gifts/flowers. I remember one particular Thursday or Friday. He alluded to something being sent to my office. Late in the day a delivery of tulips arrived. It was over the top, an entire armful of tulips. Like four bunches or more. I had to spread them all over my house when I was putting them in vases. It was insane. It also seemed like the most romantic grand gesture I had ever received. He said that he sent tulips because I was Dutch. That night he kept asking how my office mates reacted to the flowers. All three of them were married, and he wanted t...

  Now that I am on the other side of dating a narcissist, I have learned that there are four distinct steps to a relationship with a Narc. First up is the Idealize stage. This is more commonly known as love bombing. The part where they make you feel like the most important person in the world. They make all kinds of promises and grand gestures during this time. Asshole is great at this stage. When you are in this stage, you don't yet realize that they are a narcissist, and think that this is normal behaviour. Secondly is when they devalue you. This is when they make you feel like crap, and start gaslighting you. Everything is your fault, and the reason that the love bombing has stopped is because you don't deserve it. The Narc does quite a number on your mental health during this phase, and has you doing mental backflips to understand and justify what they are saying to you. You can't reconcile this person with the one you met a short while ago who made you think you were p...

 In the back pocket of The Manifesto was a birthday card for my oldest.  Totally logical that after a year, and the criminal harassment and other charges, I would be like, hey kiddo, a psychopath sent you a birthday card, here you go. Um, nope. Needless to say, I did not give this to Robbie.

  The above screenshot was sent to a friend, who sent it to me. Nothing like seeing a picture of Asshole in your email to remind you to get off the apps. This was taken back in February, when he was clearly active on the dating apps again, so I can only assume that his last relationship failed. Or did it... I dated Asshole from late March 2019 to very early July 2019. Sometime in May or June I received a pissed off text or call, I forget which, from Asshole. He was absolutely livid. In his emails that day, from the daily Match.com email that they send to people who are active on there, was a picture of my dating profile suggesting that he might be interested in me. As you can imagine, this caused a problem. We met on OKCupid. I set up profiles on both, and then realized it was the same guys on both apps, and decided to proceed with only OKCupid. Apparently I didn't delete Match. I had unsubscribed to their emails, etc long ago and forgotten about it. Asshole let me know that things...

 I have decided to start a new series, that I will be talking about from time to time. It's things that I have learned along the way, the hard way that would have prevented me from ending up meeting a monster like Asshole. The first and most important is to do a deep dive in the various internet search engines and social media. Asshole begged me not to Google him. Red flag number one. Here are some important places to search when you are doing some pre-screening before going to meet someone the first time: Google  - obviously! Try Googling their name and various combinations of their city, work, and even words like assault, criminal record, etc.  Facebook  (Instagram, etc) - Find their social media and see what they post. Someone going on and on about the narcissists and flying monkeys in their life screams trouble. In my experience, the person posting the memes is trying to deflect attention from what they are really doing. Also, if they keep posting the same 5 year...

  I forgot I took a screenshot of something Asshole posted online... Middle is a picture of me in the green and black dress that he fell in love with from my OKCupid profile. It's in the background of all of his well staged photos from the time when he was obsessed with manipulating me.  However, I want to talk about the outer two pictures... And Easter 2019. I originally wrote this for another blog, and you can find the original version  here. I had rules... As a single mom of three kids, I had rules and boundaries. One of which was no meeting my kids until Asshole spent a weekend at my place without them there, I spent a weekend at his place and we had to have been dating for a significant amount of time. Needless to say, Asshole is manipulative and rules 2 and 3 were broken. We had been dating about a month when Easter rolled around. Significant weekend in the Catholic and Anglican calendars. I assumed that we would be spending it apart and with our respective families...

Asshole has been talking lots on his social media about the smear campaign by the narcissists and flying monkeys to make him look bad and spread lies. The truth is, at least here, I am using his own posts, and writings to show just how bad his obsessive behaviour is, if you are the unwitting object of his affection. Case in point. The screenshot above is from Assholes Twitter. The post was made on Assholes birthday, which is also my ex-husband's birthday. On the surface, if you don't know any different, it just looks like a funny card from my current boyfriend to my ex-husband and father of my children, showing that we all have an amicable relationship. EXCEPT at the time this was posted, I hadn't seen Asshole in over a year! That's not normal! He refers to me as his beloved, except, he was on PROBATION after pleading GUILTY to charges that stem from him stalking me! He was literally forbidden from contacting me in any way, shape or form.  This blog is not a smear campa...

 **As always, the text in purple is from Google Docs converting an image to text. Anything in black is my thoughts/interpretations.** Just when you think that we are finished with the Manifesto, we find some more goodies!  1. I met Amanda Ruth Cuff (née Verhoeven) almost a year ago. I never thought I would meet someone so special and fall in love after I initiated my divorce but I did. We fell in love very fast and we both said we had found the one wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. For me, I found the great love of my life. (All evidence I have seen suggests that he initiated the divorce AFTER I broke up with him, because he lied about not being divorced! ) 2. This whole matter began with a miscommunication of a number and the assumptions and misunderstandings arising from reading the draft affidavit of my divorce papers. I felt and I still believe it could/can be resolved because I have always believed and still believe that if we act like adults and talk, and not h...

 It's funny the things that I have seen, taken screenshots of, etc over the years of dealing with Asshole. Most of it I was never sure of when I would use it. When The Manifesto arrived, and went straight to police, I thought that would finally put an end to things. Except, it didn't entirely. Asshole still kept posting on the internet about me, and our life that he dreamed of. You see, Asshole learned very quickly, that the Crown would not prosecute charges that stem from things he posted on the internet. He was told not to do it, but no one would enforce it.  Therefore, after delivering the first Manifesto, he quickly got to work writing a second Manifesto. He posted pictures of it even! Since he didn't deliver it, no one cared to do anything about it. Thankfully, we only have the pictures below to look at, and hopefully the real thing has been long since forgotten and lost. I was reminded of The Manifesto's recently when I saw a very similar red book, with similar la...

  If the title above is confusing for you, then please let me explain. If you understand it, and were given your own version, please share!  When I was first getting to know Asshole, I did what any normal single woman would do, I googled him. I found some stuff, his Instagram, etc. There were some pretty sappy posts for his ex-wife in what I assumed were happier times. My spidey senses tingled a bit, because there was so much. However, I myself hadn't gone back and deleted past posts with my ex-husband. Mind you we were never lovey dovey on social media. One of the things that I noticed was Asshole used the acronym DSLOML and I had no clue what it meant. It didn't matter, it was in reference to someone else. Then he started to call me DLLOML, and explained it's meaning. Red flags went off, as that meant that the meaning of DSLOML, the S stood for his ex-wife. It bothered me that he was reusing a phrase that he created for his ex-wife and substituted one letter for me. Assho...

 **As always, the text in purple is from Google Docs converting an image to text.** Eric's Statement 1 March 12, 2020 Date People come into our lives for a reason. For me, it was unconditional love. My fiancée, Amanda Cuff (Verhoeven) and I had a miscommunication on July 3, 2019 which has set the situation before me today. I take responsibility for what I plead to and I apologizi sincerity for it Amanda is the reason I divorced my ex-wife, applied for an annulment, became a Roman Catholic, sold a house, and desired to start the dream life we had planned for us and our six children. We were to marry on January 6, 2020. My desire was and is to communicate with her and It is also to her I did not lie or attempt to reconcile our amazing her at all. Sadly, a mendacions, deceitful and jealous person, [Evin L. Getty] manipulated Amanda in this situation. No matter what, I am not angry at Amanda and have no intention to hurt her. She is and will always be the great Love of my life, and no-...