Steps to Dating a Narcissist - Overview

 




Now that I am on the other side of dating a narcissist, I have learned that there are four distinct steps to a relationship with a Narc.

First up is the Idealize stage. This is more commonly known as love bombing. The part where they make you feel like the most important person in the world. They make all kinds of promises and grand gestures during this time. Asshole is great at this stage. When you are in this stage, you don't yet realize that they are a narcissist, and think that this is normal behaviour.

Secondly is when they devalue you. This is when they make you feel like crap, and start gaslighting you. Everything is your fault, and the reason that the love bombing has stopped is because you don't deserve it. The Narc does quite a number on your mental health during this phase, and has you doing mental backflips to understand and justify what they are saying to you. You can't reconcile this person with the one you met a short while ago who made you think you were perfect. You keep trying to see the good in the Narc, and this is why you stay, even though the red flags are coming fast and furious.

In the Discard phase, they will break up with you over something unbelievably trivial. You will be bewildered and confused. What happened, how did this go wrong you will ask. You will still be thinking about the good that you saw in them in the beginning and like a sad puppy, you will beg forgiveness for something you didn't do. This is exciting for the Narc. They love watching you back pedal and admit guilt to the most crazy thing they know you didn't do.

Finally, we have the Hoover phase. It's exactly like it sounds like. They Hoover (vacuum) you back into their delusions. This completes the cycle, and begins a new one. It's a cycle that I can't even remember how many times I went through it with Asshole. I think that there were at least three times where he broke up with me, and somehow, I was silly enough to admit guilt to something I didn't do, 

If you would like more information about these steps please check out https://pathwaysfamilycoaching.com 

Over the next little while, I am going to focus on examples of each step from my time with Asshole.

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