Devalue

When looking for an image for devalue the one above made me laugh. This is precisely what Asshole did. He spent my money, and whenever I started to grow and flourish, he cut me off at the base.

Trying to come up with specific examples of Asshole devaluing me is a little harder. They aren't as obvious. He just slowly chips away at your ego and self esteem in a way you hardly realize. 

One specific weekend, I had been away at camp. I had left my house on the Friday afternoon in a bit of a whirlwind. As a last minute packer, things were kinda everywhere. That was Sunday Me's problem to deal with, not Friday Me.

When I came home Sunday, there was an insane amount of drama surrounding Asshole. I had basically neglected him all weekend, and how can we build a relationship, if I am not available to his every beck and call. Really, the root of the problem is that I was off having fun with my friends, and being that it was a female only organization, there was no way for him to wiggle his way in.

On top of that, Asshole was having car trouble, and couldn't come to my house as planned that afternoon. He was supposed to be meeting my family, and now he couldn't meet me there. If I wanted him there I had to come and get him. I wish I had said fuck it, but instead, I went to get him, as it was important to me that he meet my brothers.

When we finally made it back to my place hours later, the mess that Friday Me left for Sunday Me was still there. I had planned on dealing with it earlier, but having to account for driving to Stratford, I didn't have the time.

When Asshole saw the state of things, he took no pity in the way he scolded me like I was a child. Then after making me feel like I was 8 years old, he recovered by saying, you need me. He ingrained it in my head that I needed him in my life to clean up my messes, and take care of me. I was incapable of tidying as far as he was concerned. The reality was he sucked so much of my time, I didn't have time for basic tasks.

However, he had me convinced that I needed him to keep house, and be a "house husband." (His words, not mine.) I realize now that was his only goal. To have someone else provide financially for him, so that he could sit at home, drink and do basic cleaning tasks to look important.

In talking to other victims of his, this is his default. He specifically preys on busy single moms who are run ragged and feel like they don't have time for all the housework chores that they would like to get done in a day. It's a niche, and if it ever becomes a category on a dating app, watch out. He will be having his hands full.