Ladybug Speaks the Truth

 Well, it's been a hot minute, hasn't it! Things have been mostly quiet while Asshole appeals a conviction that he received back in late 2023. The system is slow and takes forever. While the conviction is under publication ban, his appeal is not. However I will avoid saying much more than that, as I don't want to risk mixing up what is and isn't under publication ban. What I will say, is that given the number of convictions he has with me as the victim, that made him a repeat offender with the case that "concluded" in the fall of 2023. As part of the appeal in that case, Asshole's infinitely smart lawyer has decided to have Asshole appeal his guilty pleas in my cases. Yep, you heard that right! In 2020 and again in 2022 Asshole plead guilty to Criminal Harassment, breach of probation, etc. Plead guilty because he knew that he was guilty. Now, 4 years later, they are appealing those guilty please. If he does that, then my cases will be forced to go to trial...

 Once upon a time, math was simple. Math was math. Numbers where finite things that could not be turned into something else. As an accounting professional, numbers are my life. They are my jam. It is how I pay my bills and support my kids. I know my numbers inside and out. However, the Canadian justice system doesn't understand numbers. In Ontario we have something called "new math." If you are a parent of a certain age, raising kids these days, you have encountered new math. It is kinda like old math, but not quite. With new math, you have to use a different process, that causes you to jump through some mental hoops to get to the final answer. It's hard for me to explain, but I finally found the perfect example of how to explain Ontario new math. Hypothetical situation: If Mr. X is convicted of a crime and sentenced to 18 months less time served waiting for bail, his total sentence remaining ends up being 499 days. This is because Mr. X is credited with time in custo...

 It's been a long battle watching someone go through the process of laying charges against their rapist. In a nut shell, this is the process as I have understood it so far, in a generalized sense of things. Step 1 -  Trust someone enough to let them into your life, where they then take advantage of you, sexually assualt you and gaslight you about it not actually happeneing. Step 2 - Repeat the abuse a couple of more times, until you realize shit, that was not ok Step 3 - Get the courage to speak to police about what happened Step 4 - Police lay charges, rapist is arrested and held for bail Step 5 - Rapist will get bail, because it's Canada and the jails are full Step 6 - Multiple court dates over several months to exchange information, set dates for setting more dates, etc Step 7 - More than a year after the initial assault, finally go to trial. Except, this is Canada, and court time is limited, so the trial will be spread out over multiple, non-consecutive days, non-consecuti...

  Asshole spent a considerable amount of time trying to Hoover me back in after the final discard. Things ended July 3, 2019. As of Summer 2021 he was still posting about me on his blog as the DLLOML. Of course, Summer 2021 he would be dating someone else too, so how serious was he about what he was writing about me. The lengths that Asshole went to Hoover me back in are well documented in this blog. Heck, the first what, hundred posts, are taken from the letters that he sent me trying to prove that he was a changed man. Asshole doesn't actually want to be in a relationship with anyone. He just wants someone (preferably with children) to manipulate and control. I don't even think that Asshole is really capable of love. He is just capable of saying the same script over and over again. It's a movie that he has written and just keeps recasting the leading lady.  Right now, Asshole is in the Hoovering stage with someone else. His Facebook posts are full of promises that will ne...

Ah, the discard phase. How many times did Asshole discard me, and then convince me to take him back? I can remember there being phone conversations where he would be so mad, and I would ask if he was breaking up with me, and he always said no, that is done in person, even if we have to meet at a McDonald's. For some reason he liked the idea of publicly breaking up with me at one. I don't know what happened to him in a past life at McDonald's but he sure hated the place. Ironically, Asshole usually discarded me over text message. Rarely in a phone conversation. He did it once over the Match.com email. Again when I tried setting up an appointment at his bank for the mortgage we were going to get. Another time over something with my kids. Each time I went camping during the time I knew him. I could go on and on. I remember once, being so completely stunned. It was surreal, it must have been the first time it happened. I didn't know if I was coming or going. I texted a frie...

When looking for an image for devalue the one above made me laugh. This is precisely what Asshole did. He spent my money, and whenever I started to grow and flourish, he cut me off at the base. Trying to come up with specific examples of Asshole devaluing me is a little harder. They aren't as obvious. He just slowly chips away at your ego and self esteem in a way you hardly realize.  One specific weekend, I had been away at camp. I had left my house on the Friday afternoon in a bit of a whirlwind. As a last minute packer, things were kinda everywhere. That was Sunday Me's problem to deal with, not Friday Me. When I came home Sunday, there was an insane amount of drama surrounding Asshole. I had basically neglected him all weekend, and how can we build a relationship, if I am not available to his every beck and call. Really, the root of the problem is that I was off having fun with my friends, and being that it was a female only organization, there was no way for him to wiggle h...

Things began slowly with Asshole. We talked for a couple of weeks before meeting. He often seemed disinterested, and I really didn't think we would ever actually meet. Once we did though, we hit it off right away, despite the obvious red flag about his teeth. (I have written about that  here.  ) Once we met in person, things progressed very quickly. I have written about how he manipulated my boundaries already. He loved to send gifts/flowers. I remember one particular Thursday or Friday. He alluded to something being sent to my office. Late in the day a delivery of tulips arrived. It was over the top, an entire armful of tulips. Like four bunches or more. I had to spread them all over my house when I was putting them in vases. It was insane. It also seemed like the most romantic grand gesture I had ever received. He said that he sent tulips because I was Dutch. That night he kept asking how my office mates reacted to the flowers. All three of them were married, and he wanted t...

  Now that I am on the other side of dating a narcissist, I have learned that there are four distinct steps to a relationship with a Narc. First up is the Idealize stage. This is more commonly known as love bombing. The part where they make you feel like the most important person in the world. They make all kinds of promises and grand gestures during this time. Asshole is great at this stage. When you are in this stage, you don't yet realize that they are a narcissist, and think that this is normal behaviour. Secondly is when they devalue you. This is when they make you feel like crap, and start gaslighting you. Everything is your fault, and the reason that the love bombing has stopped is because you don't deserve it. The Narc does quite a number on your mental health during this phase, and has you doing mental backflips to understand and justify what they are saying to you. You can't reconcile this person with the one you met a short while ago who made you think you were p...

  The above screenshot was sent to a friend, who sent it to me. Nothing like seeing a picture of Asshole in your email to remind you to get off the apps. This was taken back in February, when he was clearly active on the dating apps again, so I can only assume that his last relationship failed. Or did it... I dated Asshole from late March 2019 to very early July 2019. Sometime in May or June I received a pissed off text or call, I forget which, from Asshole. He was absolutely livid. In his emails that day, from the daily Match.com email that they send to people who are active on there, was a picture of my dating profile suggesting that he might be interested in me. As you can imagine, this caused a problem. We met on OKCupid. I set up profiles on both, and then realized it was the same guys on both apps, and decided to proceed with only OKCupid. Apparently I didn't delete Match. I had unsubscribed to their emails, etc long ago and forgotten about it. Asshole let me know that things...

 I have decided to start a new series, that I will be talking about from time to time. It's things that I have learned along the way, the hard way that would have prevented me from ending up meeting a monster like Asshole. The first and most important is to do a deep dive in the various internet search engines and social media. Asshole begged me not to Google him. Red flag number one. Here are some important places to search when you are doing some pre-screening before going to meet someone the first time: Google  - obviously! Try Googling their name and various combinations of their city, work, and even words like assault, criminal record, etc.  Facebook  (Instagram, etc) - Find their social media and see what they post. Someone going on and on about the narcissists and flying monkeys in their life screams trouble. In my experience, the person posting the memes is trying to deflect attention from what they are really doing. Also, if they keep posting the same 5 year...

  I forgot I took a screenshot of something Asshole posted online... Middle is a picture of me in the green and black dress that he fell in love with from my OKCupid profile. It's in the background of all of his well staged photos from the time when he was obsessed with manipulating me.  However, I want to talk about the outer two pictures... And Easter 2019. I originally wrote this for another blog, and you can find the original version  here. I had rules... As a single mom of three kids, I had rules and boundaries. One of which was no meeting my kids until Asshole spent a weekend at my place without them there, I spent a weekend at his place and we had to have been dating for a significant amount of time. Needless to say, Asshole is manipulative and rules 2 and 3 were broken. We had been dating about a month when Easter rolled around. Significant weekend in the Catholic and Anglican calendars. I assumed that we would be spending it apart and with our respective families...

 **As always, the text in purple is from Google Docs converting an image to text. Anything in black is my thoughts/interpretations.** Just when you think that we are finished with the Manifesto, we find some more goodies!  1. I met Amanda Ruth Cuff (née Verhoeven) almost a year ago. I never thought I would meet someone so special and fall in love after I initiated my divorce but I did. We fell in love very fast and we both said we had found the one wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. For me, I found the great love of my life. (All evidence I have seen suggests that he initiated the divorce AFTER I broke up with him, because he lied about not being divorced! ) 2. This whole matter began with a miscommunication of a number and the assumptions and misunderstandings arising from reading the draft affidavit of my divorce papers. I felt and I still believe it could/can be resolved because I have always believed and still believe that if we act like adults and talk, and not h...

 It's funny the things that I have seen, taken screenshots of, etc over the years of dealing with Asshole. Most of it I was never sure of when I would use it. When The Manifesto arrived, and went straight to police, I thought that would finally put an end to things. Except, it didn't entirely. Asshole still kept posting on the internet about me, and our life that he dreamed of. You see, Asshole learned very quickly, that the Crown would not prosecute charges that stem from things he posted on the internet. He was told not to do it, but no one would enforce it.  Therefore, after delivering the first Manifesto, he quickly got to work writing a second Manifesto. He posted pictures of it even! Since he didn't deliver it, no one cared to do anything about it. Thankfully, we only have the pictures below to look at, and hopefully the real thing has been long since forgotten and lost. I was reminded of The Manifesto's recently when I saw a very similar red book, with similar la...

  We live in interesting times with our justice system.  Most people do not realize that publication bans are put in place during certain types of trials. The justice system says it is to protect the victims. However, what happens when the victim does not want a publication ban?  Truth is, the ban stays in place. This is because the publication ban is really to protect the defendant. Oh, innocent until proven guilty you think. Yes, that makes sense. But wait, the ban stays in effect even after the trial ends, the defendant is found guilty and trotted off to jail!  In Canada, if you are the victim of a sex crime, the publication ban stays in effect even after the guilty person is sentenced. Unless, you as a victim put forth a petition, and it is approved. This means, that as a victim of sexual assault, if you speak out about what happened to you, and there is a publication ban in place, then you can be charged. Just for sharing what happened to you. For more informati...

 **As always, the text in purple is from Google Docs converting an image to text.** Eric's Statement 1 March 12, 2020 Date People come into our lives for a reason. For me, it was unconditional love. My fiancée, Amanda Cuff (Verhoeven) and I had a miscommunication on July 3, 2019 which has set the situation before me today. I take responsibility for what I plead to and I apologizi sincerity for it Amanda is the reason I divorced my ex-wife, applied for an annulment, became a Roman Catholic, sold a house, and desired to start the dream life we had planned for us and our six children. We were to marry on January 6, 2020. My desire was and is to communicate with her and It is also to her I did not lie or attempt to reconcile our amazing her at all. Sadly, a mendacions, deceitful and jealous person, [Evin L. Getty] manipulated Amanda in this situation. No matter what, I am not angry at Amanda and have no intention to hurt her. She is and will always be the great Love of my life, and no-...

 **The text in purple is from Google Docs converting an image to text.** Date March 8 2020 My darling and beautiful Sweetheart-mail and J miss you you on a a to wat as bad! Yet another beautiful day here. Just came back from love you walk around the river and had to go get my blood pressure checked It has come down into a "better" range. Didn't go to Mass this morning. Instead went to the Anglicans. I needed a break after Thursday's RCIA Class. Now, I'm watching Netflix and pondering tonight's supper, and waiting fiend to text about something tonight.wor I've been reflecting on what happened at RCIA on h Thursday for the past 2.5 days I'm still reflecting on. the class. If you had been there as my sponsor I think I would be in a very different headspace right now. I want to with all my heart become a Catholic. I just want you there when I do this because it is for you and your kids I am doing this. I have until Thursday to make a final decision as to i...

 **As always, the text in purple is from Google Docs converting an image to text.** Date March 7 Happy Anniversary! One year ago we met! I miss you. I love you! Trying to get ready for the day. Have some errands to run and must go to the storage unit to get a few things. It's a gorgeous day here and I will probably go for a walk as well. Also must do some housework here at my Condo my blog. I really wish I could, There's a picture of your anniversary card on give it to you. Mad to go to my storage unit to get some things for my condo. I really wish you could see the storage unit because most of the stuff was for your place as we had planned Got what I needed. Came home. Made supper-lamb chops. don't like lamb - that's okay. Nothing muchelse is happening here. Tonight I need to do some ivoring than that, just reading and some Netflix. I really miss you my beautiful fiancée. I love I know you Imuch! Your ever loving and adoring fiance Other you so Seic Xxoxoxo Page 127 (C...