Ladybug Speaks the Truth

 **As always, text in purple is from Google Drive converting an image to text. For original text, please zoom in the picture** My beautiful fiancée: I love Date Dec 28 2019 you and I miss you so much. Today I have been busy doing more catching up on many things. First, let me catch you upon yesterday. Had a 9an meeting at work. Walked down to the office Then it was coffee with a couple colleagues. Then I went and bought a bus pass. Driving being difficult it is an option. Home for lunch. Then navigated Stratford Transit to get to the hospital for my physis appointment Physio went well. They put my hand in the whirlpool It felt so good. Drawback: the damaged skin is starting to peel off. Had to do some exercises. My therapist re-molded my splint. So I have a bit more movement, but with the insertion of foam it is much tighter. Next therapy appointment is Monday. Then took to to home. Was reage groceries and then I could do it. However, I was very tired afterwards. transit again Watc...

 In the back of the Manifesto, there is a clear plastic pouch. In it are many items that Asshole added. I have gone through and pulled out the ones that are for November/December and will be posting most of them here. Some are worthy of their own post. Most of these in this post I will not be putting through Google Drive to convert to text. First up is a card to my parents... If it looks familiar, it's because there was the exact same one that was for me and my kids. Next is another drawing of the tattoo that Asshole was planning. Next up are full page spread copies of magazine articles. Including the full page ads. There is no context for these copies. Now a card that was for Asshole, but he seems to think that I would be interested in it. It is to be opened with Dianne. No clue who Dianne is. Finally, a Birthday card for my daughter.

By June of 2019 things were serious, but also seriously falling apart. Asshole was spinning a web of lies that I no longer believed, and I was fact checking most everything that he said. At the same time, I was starting to get sick. Was this from whatever made my coffee taste awful or was this something that was always going to happen to me, who knows. As I navigated becoming weaker and weaker, with no known reason it was harder and harder to form an exit strategy to get Asshole out of my life. I wanted him out, but I was starting to see that he could be very dangerous, and I had to be very careful. I don’t remember what day it was that he showed up to take care of me, but I do remember he were only supposed to be there for the weekend. It was either a Thursday or Friday. Apparently, he had lots of vacation time available. (I now know that there was no job, and he had all the time in the world to hang out in Tillsonburg.) While not overly happy to see Asshole, he enjoyed playing hous...

 **Trigger warning - This post is about a fetish, and how Asshole engaged me in his fetish without consent (aka sexual assault)** From early on, when getting to know each other, the topic of sex came up. Finding out likes, dislikes, what is ok, not ok, pretty standard stuff, so that there would be no surprises, and that both parties would be on the same page and therefore both would be consenting adults. Asshole was adamant that he wasn't into anything kinky or have any fetishes. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just wanted to know in advance.) Or so I thought. One thing that I made clear was that I did not want to get pregnant, and was on birth control. I also made it clear that condoms would be required, and if we decided to continue in a monogamous that proof of negative STI tests would be required to forgo condoms. All of this was agreed to. Asshole made it clear that he did not want (or have) children in the beginning, as "One Eric Osborne was enough for thi...

 **As always... The purple text is Google Drive converting an image to text.** My darling Amanda- Date Dec 26 2019 Finally have some time to write write you. I miss you so much. I love you. The last couple of days have been hectic. I've been able to take my splint off for a while each day. I've even been able to type. my laptop. Massive nap.  I decided to on go Christmas Eve was busy. In the morning I had some errands to run. Coffee with a few friends. Had to return books to library. to the 5pm Mass. I got there at 4,35pm and it was already standing room only at that point. Had to stand at the back. Good to see Fr. David. He blessed my hand. I ended up leaving right after Communion - I felt quilty about that. Walked home just spent the rest of the night watching t.u. Actually went to bed early as I was tired. 30 Christmas Day: I slept in! Mass at 11. am. Walked to church. No splint all day! I had dinner with friends from work. Spent the afternoon talking to friends on phone. M...

 I wasn't going to do a post today, it's Christmas, and sacred for me. However, my children aren't home yet, and it's been one hell of a 24 hours... Yesterday, was a normal Christmas Eve, until driving to church with my middle. She told me that she had to wrap the gift her dad bought his new girlfriend of three weeks. Yikes. Slight jealousy set in... I don't have anyone to buy me expensive jewelry for Christmas. Oh well. We laughed about how she should have put a not inside saying that it was specially wrapped by her. Then, we got to church. The church was beautiful and lovely, and the music was perfect. While waiting though, I saw the perfect family. I have watched them over the years as the children grow. The stay at home mom, the handsome dad, two boys who look like they get along. Mom fixes Dad's hair while looking at him with absolute love. Ugh, jealousy again. I don't have that. Not even on Christmas did my ex come to church with me. I often sit at chu...

 **As always, the text in purple is from Google Drive converting an image to text. For the original version, zoom in on the image.** My darling fiancée, my beautiful Amanda- I love you and I miss you. I really, really miss you. Date Dec. 23 2019 I just wish you were here. I'd give anything to see you. I only want you. This is so fixable I think and running and ignoring the problem mares it worse. If you think I'm angry at you or I won't forgive you - you are so wrong. I just wish and I hope you haven't been made to believe something. That would be hurtful! I have been resting a lot today. My stomach and GI tract are not happy with me. Earlier in this book I have taped in a Christmas song that is on my mind. It reminds me of you. I've posted it on Facebook. I've been waiting on people to return phone calls. Rather frustrating. Going to try to get out in the freshair- that might help. However, I am so weak and tired. Had a nice phone conversation with my friend Di...