March 12, 2020

 **As always, the text in purple is from Google Docs converting an image to text.**

Eric Osborne

March 3 2020-

My darling and beautiful fiancée, Amanda!

This is going to be a long letter. I have just returned from Mass and Adoration. Father Bester's sermon was succinct about the Lord's Prayer. It made me think about you and our Lord's Prayer experience. However, Father Bester's message was something I think you would have liked. We also had to jump to attention for the prayers of the faithful.

I have been thinking about a number of things, and well, I thought I would start putting them down on paper. I have decided that I am going to type it out, because it would just be more legible. I have tried organizing my thoughts into various categories. How this is going to find it's way into your hands, I still don't know at this point. That is something that I am praying and thinking about each day. I miss you so much. I absolutely love you. I guess I will dive right in and begin the letter.

"Love is to finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without."

What are my True Feelings? Amanda, you are the Great Love of my Life. That is a fundamental truth in my life. It is the most honest and sincere thing at the core of my being. Everything in this letter is the truth as best I can show you. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to tell you all this to your face, but my eyes would be red from the tears of happiness to see the most beautiful and amazing woman in the world, who I am so honoured and proud to call the Great Love of my Life and my fiancée. Accompanying this letter is a long handwritten letter which I have been compiling each day to tell you what is going on in my life and what is on my mind. It is now at over 120 ages. There is also a small cartoon book that I had made for you. Both those compilations are with this long letter. I need you to know that I am not angry at you. I am heartbroken. I want you to know that I want this relationship. I want to be engaged to you. I want to be married to you. That would make me the happiest man on the planet. You make me so happy! You are the joy of my life. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. This is so fixable. Just come and talk to me. You are safe and you are loved more than you can ask or imagine. Stop running from things and fears. Stop letting Erin poison your mind about me. (I have to be careful about what I say about that.) You are amazing. I want to tell you that each day. I want to tell you how much I love you each day. If you are afraid of that, I want you to know you deserve being told you are amazing and that I love you, and I promise I will do it each day for the rest of my life!!

raye

137

(Ah, the cartoon book.... Have I posted that on here? Probably not, I will have to remember where I tucked it. It's pretty hilarious from the standpoint of he had a cartoon rendering of me made, that I think resembles his ex-wife and not me.)

How important are you to me...well you are my first thought each morning and my last one at night. I have never felt this way about anyone else in my life. Not even my ex-wife! I even have your initials on my body right over my heart, that is how important you are to me. There's actually two tattoos that you are in. I know there is a taboo about that, but I frankly don't care about that taboo. You are non negotiable in my life. I said that to you so many times. I've used this quote before, it comes from The Chaos of the Stars, by Keirsten White. "I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway. And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you" Just so we are clear, I have read the book because I wanted to know the context of the quote. There is another quote from the same book, which I am also going to state, "I get that you're scared and that you've been hurt. But doing what is easy and safe is no way to live, and a life without passion and love is so far beneath what you deserve." Amanda, not only are you the great love of my life, you are also the great passion of my life. You have been since the first time I laid eyes on you! I am taking the risk of getting this letter into your hands. You are so worth it. You are my dream come true. This is so fixable. It just requires honesty and communication. Please do not do anything about this. There's been enough trouble created in all of this. I don't want anymore trouble. I just want you! I know this is something we can overcome. I will do anything for you, and you know that.

How I came at writing this letter was in preparing for my first confession as a Roman Catholic. I did an examination of conscience about this. I wasn't to be completely honest with you.

When we were corresponding last summer you mentioned Trust. Yes, that is important. I know it is hard to rebuild. I admit I fell short of a lot of things. I am truly sorry and I take responsibility for my actions. I have no reasonable excuses. I want to put everything down that is truthful. I want you to know what is contained I think things can be rebuilt between us and I know that I will always having to prove things to you and I am fine with that because you are worth it to me and I promise you I will always be truthful with you at all times if this can be fixed and reconciled. I think it is safe for me to assume that you have been hurt in the past and that trust was broken and that is why you have reacted in the way that you have. I have been reflecting and praying on my role in the problem. I hope that by me setting forth the truth I can hope that my broken heart can be healed and we can make this work, because Amanda I mean it when I say that the fundamental truth in my life is that I love you more than anything in the world, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Page

138

(The risk of getting this letter to me that he speaks of, is that he knows that he will be arrested for giving it to me and charged with Breach of Recognizance and Criminal Harassment. Which of course he was, and eventually he plead guilty to those charges and are the reason that he is currently on probation. Oh, he admits that he has no reasonable excuses for all of the lies that he told me, and he still expects me to trust him again? Ummm, I reacted the way that I did, because Asshole lied to me, and not only did he lie to me, he put my safety at risk by poking holes in condoms in an attempt to get me pregnant!! That's a huge violation of trust, and one that can not ever be forgiven.)

I was not honest with you, my darling. I'm sorry. I did hide things from you. That was wrong. I was just being cautious I guess. But then, as I sit and ponder this whole thing, there is no reason for my actions.

My reaction on July 3, 2019, was that of anger at first, but then I stepped back and sat with everything and it was just grief. I was sad about what happened, and that I hurt you. That's where most of the pain comes from right now. Coupled with the fact I cannot gaze on your beautiful eyes and see the smile that lights up my life, I am in a lot of heart ache. Please do not doubt how I truly feel about you. I know the truth, honesty and sincerity of how I truly feel. I think the most logical place I need to start with things is the matter of my divorce. I was not completely honest with you. The paperwork was begun when I met you. I am sorry that I wasn't completely truthful with you. I wasn't completely honest with Fr. John Pirt or Rev. Lorne Mitchell. I'm sorry for that. There was a lot of hurtful stuff involved in my divorce. I took responsibility for my actions in the divorce. I would have let you read the paperwork. I would have let you read it with me present and you could have asked me questions. That is still an option. I would have explained everything to you. Just so I am clear. You are mentioned in paragraphs #26 and 27 in the Affidavit 14A. You may ask why it was delayed in coming to a conclusion. There is only one reason and that was my own tardiness with the paperwork and trying to do the whole thing on my own. If I had been honest with you and asked you for your help you might have been able to help me with that. For that I am very sorry.

I have no regrets in the divorce. You are the main reason I carried through with it. I subsequently applied for the annulment because of you and you may remember that you helped me fill out that massive document for the Diocesan Marriage Tribunal. You are named in the annulment papers and part of the process now.

I have included my divorce order in the red book for you to see that it is complete. I am free to marry. I was free to marry you by the time of the canon law requirement for the Anglican church. However, becoming a Roman Catholic for you, I want to be married in the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church. I am free to marry as of Easter (According to Father Bester) I still want to do that. More about that later.

I guess the next logical thing in this whole letter is my ex-wife. Sarah is not honest or transparent. She used to be. I don't think mentally well or has been for some time. I have felt she has had a form of mental illness for years for various reasons that arose out of her undiagnosed and unreeled postpartum depression. Coupled with a toxic family and some friends that is the breakdown of my marriage. My divorce was ordered on the grounds of cruelty. You may inspect the paperwork of my divorce with me at the Stratford Court House if you so wish. It is there for the next three years before being moved to court archives. I would be more than happy to do that with you. I think Sarah's words

Page 139

(I never helped him with filling out any paperwork for anything. Ever. End stop. Stop implicating me in your lies. Ugh. Oh, now his ex-wife has a mental illness, as usual, he blames others for his problems and never takes responsibility for his actions. He says she has mental illness, yet she has full custody of the children. If he could prove anything, he would have his kids. He keeps going on about his divorce being on the grounds of cruelty... It's not, he just thinks that. The actual grounds for his divorce are that he was able to prove that they have lived separate and apart for more than one year. That's the requirement for divorce in Ontatio. The cruelty part is only in trying to get an emergency divorce order, which he was not.)

and actions were the result of being manipulated. I was totally honest with you about her and my marriage. You knew about what she did to me to manipulate a situation. I told you about it one night in your bedroom and you told me it was alright and that we would deal with it if needed. I have total contempt for the way she and her family and friends have acted in all this and how my children are in the middle of this whole maelstrom. I am not a violent person. What happened I am more than willing to speak to you about with a friend, Charlene McMann-Tremain and my kids present. Sophie and Hugh were witnesses to what happened. Clara was not there that night. Charlene knows Sarah's side because Sarah tried talking to her and Charlene offered some suggestions. Charlene is not biased in any way with the situation. I will go into every detail for you if you want. I need you to see my body language and see my eyes as I tell you everything. You can choose to believe what you want. The truth is there for you. You talking to Sarah as you admitted, yes hurt me. I've been thinking about it for a while now. You've heard from her. That is fine. You would have to at some point. As you are a non-negotiable part of my life as I have always said, she is also a part of my life, whether or not I like it. That's just a fact. However it is not fair to have her cloud everything with her perspective to the matter. That is just not fair. If you think she is going to be nice about the situation you are mistaken, and what she has done and said to you I cannot control, but it does say quite a bit about her I think, because I would never speak to Rob without your permission about things between you. That is just not on. Yes, I admit I did write a three page letter to him which I am prepared to let you read a copy of and it is included in the plastic folder at the back of the red-letter book.

(Bahahahaha, did he just write that he would never speak to my ex-husband without my permission, yet just yesterday on here, you all saw a copy of the letter that he sent to my ex-husband, without my permission!!!!! Another prime example of what is ok for him to do, is not ok for me to do. That sounds like a very fair and equitable relationship.)

birthday card, etc I always signed from you and your three kids. I will continue to do that. The night that I drank a bottle of wine at Erin's house I know I was upset by a remark that Erin made. She tried to drive a wedge between us. Later that night I sat at your kitchen table and I told you what I wanted to do. I told you we would go after them and get access. I told you I needed your help and support to do this. I didn't know how you would react that night. You put my mind and my heart at ease. You reassured me that I could do this. So when what happened between us, basically put that whole thing on hold. Amanda, let's fix this. Let's grow our family because I know that your kids would love my Clara, Sophie, and Hugh.

Amanda, I really love your kids. I'm going to admit that I do have a favourite among Robbie, Theresa, and Malcolm. (You will have to ask me about that if and when we can talk in person.) I miss them so much. After the Victoria Day weekend, I started keeping a framed photo of them on my work desk, next to the one I have of my three children. I would be privileged to be their step-dad. I know they would love being step-siblings to Clara, Sophie, and Hugh. They are favourites of mine for the individual reasons. The night of Robbie's Grade 8 graduation, he and I had an interesting conversation which I journaled. There is a copy of my notes from that night in my red letter book. I fondly remember the conversation Theresa and I had on Friday of Father's Day weekend when she helped me fold a large pile of laundry. I loved sitting with Malcolm they day he stayed home from daycare sick. I loved getting up with him in the morning and helping him get something to eat and then sit and watch tv with him. He always makes me smile. They all do. I miss bringing him dinky-cars.

Just so we are clear, I love your family. I really like your parents. If you see the letter I wrote to John and Marlene, I told them I really wanted to ask them for your hand in marriage. I wanted to do that after the first weekend in July. Inside the red-letter book you will see the plans for the weekend. You were going to get your engagement ring but first I wanted the opportunity to ask your parents if I could marry you. That was something you didn't know. Your mom is hilarious. Your dad and you are so much alike. I felt at ease with them. I really like your brothers and sisters-in-law and all your nieces and nephews. The times we went to your family farm was fun. I loved it! Read that letter. Ask for it. It is the honesty and sincere feelings of my heart. Nothing would give me greater privilege and pleasure to be a son-in-law, and brother-in- law.

My family is not a paragon of virtue. I come from a family of alcoholics. My brother has been convicted of impaired driving several times. When you made that assumption that it was me, that was very unfair.

Page 141

(Now he is admitting to forgery... Signing my name on things. Awesome! My kids would not love to be step-siblings to his. I know that he thinks that, but given how they have been with the children in relationships that have come after this one, whether it be me or their father in the relationship, they don't want any other siblings. It's just a fact.)

There are reasons for My mother is a nasty,

I am very circumspect about what I tell my family. that. I don't speak with my brother. I haven't since 2003. vile piece of work. My dad is very quiet and is long suffering.

Your remarks about me being an alcoholic are very hypocritical as you do condone alcoholism in the form of your friendship with Erin. She is an alcoholic. I struggle with alcohol use. I'm sorry I drank too much on our last weekend together. I was inappropriate. I haven't had any alcohol since that last weekend. Your inappropriate assumption about impaired driving was unfounded. My brother has been convicted of impaired driving. I cannot explain my over indulgence that last weekend, except for I was inappropriately dealing with a message I received about a medical test. I did not tell you about that. I did tell you on the morning of June 30, 2019 that I was suffering from a form of anxiety. As we sat in the cry room at St. Mary's Church I was struggling with telling you what was wrong. Unfortunately Theresa being unwell during mass distracted me from telling you. I know I had ample opportunity to tell you about what was bothering me. I'm sorry I didn't. Just so you know, the medical situation is under control now. I needed your support as I went through it in the fall. Your picture has been what got me through that.

There is an "elephant in the living room." (I actually wrote this paragraph last because I tried several times and I didn't want to get to negative here.). Erin is a destructive force in all of this. As you said to me in person and in an email, “Erin is the inadvertent cause of the breakdown of my first marriage." There is nothing inadvertent about being a breakdown of a marriage. Either you are or you aren't. However, Erin is the direct cause here. Unless you can convince me, Erin somehow entered this maelstrom on July 3 before I even knew you were upset. It's okay you felt you needed to speak with her before you spoke with her, but I do think you did owe it to e to speak with me in person(and if you remember, I offered you a safe place to do tht.) before she lashed out with two threats. If you think I 'm an alcoholic, then I ask you to take a long hard examination of Erin. She is nothing more than a drunk. The first time I met her at Tillsonburg Mall, she was very hungover and well she was drinking alcohol from a Tim Horton's cup. I was shocked. I had my "interrogation" with her and I spoke with Anita afterwards. Anita suggested you find out about the truth on your own terms. Anita told me not to worry about what Erin said to me. Let Amanda deal with it, she told me.

I am not angry at you in all of this. I feel. You were manipulated and poisoned with the lies and fabrications of Erin. I feel kind of responsible for Erin's interaction with this whole mess. I was the one who pressed you to go speak with her about getting "our" kids back. (I typed "our" and then wanted to change it back to "my" but I kept the "our" because thought it was more appropriate.") As I look back on it, I feel responsible for letting her destroy us. That may sound weird to you, but that's been on my mind for months now. I

Page 142

(He offered me a safe place to talk to him? I don't think so. Meeting him on an island in a river does not seem very safe to me. I told him to meet me at the police station, that is a safe place. While everything that he says about Erin is a lie, as always, if it were true, I think that the only reason that he would be mad, is because he wants to be the one manipulating me. That's the real problem here, I won't allow myself to be manipulated the way that he tried.)

should never have let her in on "our" kids. One thing that has troubled me about that conversation, besides the bottle of wine, was when she lashed out at me about the use of "my Sarah." That was only used to distinguish the two Sarahs.

When I said to you I didn't want to be around Erin, the was only for me. I can only control myself. If you choose to be friends with her, that is fine with me. However, I do not want to be around her. That is something I can control. That is not to say the I won't change my mind about that, I would just need to see a lot of change. I cannot say anything more about this factor in our situation because it get's too negative for me.

Moving on, I have other things I have wanted to bring up. The phone situation. The numberl gave you was my number until the end of April. As we were using WhatsApp, I was remiss to not give you a new number. I actually didn't have a cell phone number until July when I went over to Lucky Mobile because it was affordable. After we had our issue, I wanted to give you the number. I wrote it on a church envelope and I asked a friend to mail it to you and it was mailed from the Dutton area. The number is 519.274.0148. Pleas feel free to use it. I would love to hear your voice. Please call me if you want. I

will talk to you. Please! Please!

Your engagement ring is still in my safety deposit box at the bank. It is here for you if you want it and I want you to wear it. There is also the wedding rings I designed. The email I sent you on July 3, was intended as a ruse in hopes that maybe it might spur you to speak with me about the situation. I actually ended up getting a ring from another place to be honest and I did that after I sent that email that day. There is a picture of the ring up on my website. I put it there because I wanted you to see it. The ring is yours and I want you to wear it so badly. On July 5, 2019 I had planned an engagement party at my house. I had made arrangements and I had wanted to speak with you about that later on July 3, 2019, but I never got the chance.

As to finances. On the first weekend of July I had made arrangements for you to be brought into the knowledge of my finances and have access to my bank accounts at Bank of Montreal and TD. There was also the arrangements I had made for RESPS for Robbie, Theresa, and Malcolm. Yes I hid finances from Sarah because of her financial abuse during our marriage. You could have seen everything and still can. I had made arrangements to give you money for your mortgage to pay it off. That is still in my safety deposit box. I have included the schedule for the July 5 weekend in the red book so you can see the details. Now we come to the situation of the house. You had a total misunderstanding. You went to the wrong address number. A rational person would have asked for clarification. You chose not to because I believe of Erin's manipulation. You could have gone to the house if you had just come back. You could have gone to the house right up to the closing date on the house. You

Page 143

(Oh, everything was a ruse... How did I not realize that! So him being mean in emails on July 3rd was a joke? Well look at where we are now. Great joke! A rational person would have jumped to the same conclusions, I went to the house that he wrote on a piece of paper, and the same address that he gave over and over again when asked for an address by my priest, a realtor, etc. No need to clarify.)