For the Current Victims

 Hi There,

While everyone is welcome to read this post, it's more specifically for those who are currently caught up in the web of lies of Asshole. If that's you, keep reading. I have some questions for you to ponder. I want you to think about these questions carefully. See if they match what you have seen. What you have been told.

I know that earlier this fall, you were able to break away for awhile. Start to see the world more clear, let the haze of lies and manipulations dissipate. Unfortunately, he is a good narcissist, and he has likely hoovered you back in. It happens. Don't be hard on yourself. It takes many attempts to leave a narcissist. I don't write about it much, (yet) but that final time I left him, was the final time. It wasn't the first time that I wanted to though. It took awhile to finally have enough and break free. Breaking free is only half the battle. Staying free of a narcissist is another thing. Especially when they are so good at lying, manipulating and love bombing.

Now, I have a game. Asshole loves games, and I am sure that you are used to bending your mind backwards to play his mind games. My game is simple. I have some screenshots of various Facebook posts that he has made, during the time that you may have been away from him. These posts were designed to lure you back in. What I would like you to do, is look at the post, and then answer for yourself, did this post end up being true?

I apologize that the screenshots aren't great. (It might be that I am not wearing my glasses and they are fine.) I initially pasted them into Word, and then cropped them to remove as much other drivel from his Facebook, so that only the relevant posts are visible. That has diminished the quality. You know that you have seen the original posts though, and at the time this is published, they were still on his Facebook, publicly, for all of the world to see, should they choose to. (Once he sees this, the posts will disappear. It's just the way he is.)

Question number one:

Did he actually get a new duvet? If yes, yay, 10 points for Slytherin, he told the truth. If no, did you ask him why there is no new duvet? Did he have some ridiculous (but slightly plausible if you bend your mind over backwards) excuse about where the new duvet went?

Question number two:

Looks like he may have bought a house... I love that his friend Randy comments that he may be pregnant.... Which shows that Randy knows the absurdity of Asshole possibly buying a house.

The question of course, is there any evidence that he attempted to buy a house? It looks like this house was going to be for you and your kids as well, was this something that you discussed? With pretty much every victim he has used the rouse of a house to try to get them back. In this instance, was this house even in a city that you wanted to live in, or was it somewhere far from your supports? Narcissists gain control over their victims by isolating them from everything that they know and love. 

Question 3:

Did he actually start laser treatment to remove the battle scars? Since we all know that the answer is no, what is his reason for not actually starting laser treatment as he posted about? If the answer is anything other than, he doesn't have money, then he is probably lying.

Question 4:

The first time you returned to his home after getting back together with him, was his Christmas tree up? If yes, sweet, he told the truth again, 10 more points for Slytherin. If no, what was his plausible excuse? Do you believe it? Should you believe it?

Relationships are hard. All of them are. It requires two people making a commitment to tell each other the truth, to support each other. If you have to spend all of your energy fact checking what your partner says, if your friends alienate you because of your partner, if it affects your relationship with your children, family, coworkers, friends, if you fear for your safety both when he is around and when he isn't. That my friend is not a relationship. That is abuse. 

There are loads of supports out there. It's incredibly difficult though to make that first phone call. Once you file a complaint with police, I am guessing that enough has happened to you that they will press charges against him. Then the world of victim supports opens up. There is a wide variety of services available. I am not from your city, so I don't know exactly what is available. 

I know that you don't see me as a friend. I understand. The narcissist paints a despicable picture of the victims that got away, and even more despicable about the ones who are loud about their escape to try to protect others. However, I do care about you. I care about your safety. I have been in your situation feeling very alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you would like me to sit with you while you make that first, scary, terrifying phone call to police for help, I can do that. You know how to message me. If the previous method is not safe to use, message me through the blog, email ladybugspeakstruth@gmail.com or if you can get a message out to one of the other people we mutually know, they will let me know. 

My Christmas wish for you is that you are safe, and that your children are safe.